just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
