Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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