i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
