I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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