You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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