Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
