Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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