i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
