remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
