Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
