I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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