Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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