it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
