I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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