you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
