she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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