can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
