Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
