at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need Xanax blowdarts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
