don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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