While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
