I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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