Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
