she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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