you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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