dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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