quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
