I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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