Swine flu. Run for my life!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
