so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
