i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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