Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
