who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
