Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
