Pappa wants mamma naked
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
