i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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