Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
