My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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