i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
