I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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