so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
