you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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