bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
