I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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