I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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