I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She is in my trunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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