so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
