You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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