What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
