we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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