Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
