You're earring is so big in my mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
