i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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