There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
