ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
