That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
