Do you still have your period?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
